if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
do herpes really smell.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
