yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
