How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
