She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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