I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
