I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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