come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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