im holly from the hills drunk
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
