I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
