My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
