I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
false alarm, still single
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