I wish I could punch you in the face.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
