i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
