it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
