you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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