Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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