Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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