a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone threw a dead crab at me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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