i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
