Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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