She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
