it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
