So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
