i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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