ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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