hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
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