my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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