we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
