You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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