when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
