I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Every concussion has its silver lining
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
