the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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