I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
