I am in a vortex of obligation.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
third nipple confirmed
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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