I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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