i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
