Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
