I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
