i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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