John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
