You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
