I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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