i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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