Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
