Since when is my name a synonym for head?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
