I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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