Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
