I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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