Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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