She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
