apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
