Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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