Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
