Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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