You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
