cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
