Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
