I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
