Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
