does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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