Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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