I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
