the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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