What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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