bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
