Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
