At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize