I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
