finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
