So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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