i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
