Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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