I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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