love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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