Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
