these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
