My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
