Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
