Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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