she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Randomize
