That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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