The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
