Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
