Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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