guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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