SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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