i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
